Warning: This post contains lots and lots of expletives
Dear Royals,
What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean seriously, you all fucking suck. What the fuck? Why do you continue to be so fucking awful? Yeah, whatever, you had a winning April for the first time since 2003, big fucking deal. That shouldn't be an accomplishment to be proud of. The only reason you looked so good in the first 30 games this year was because no teams had taken you seriously. Now we all have seen what happens when teams start paying you a little attention.
Seriously, you've fucking managed to play worse this past month than the past 5 years combined. What the fuck happened? Every pitcher you face becomes a Cy Young candidate, and every offense you face becomes the Yankees. What are you planning on doing to change this? How about this:
- Quit giving up first inning runs, you pieces of shit!! Even you Greinke. I don't care what your record is or how many complete games you have. You all are getting paid well enough to get 3 outs without allowing a run in the first. This is fucking ridiculous. If I were Hillman, I'd have someone warming up in the bullpen the moment the game started. Once the first run crosses the plate, yank whoever is out there. Fuck them! Don't give up a run in the first next time.
- Get rid of Jose Guillen. Fuck him and his legs. The offensive is so awful right now that who cares if he is gone, it wouldn't change anything. I don't know how many fly balls have dropped in front of him this year, but I do know that nearly all of them have led to opposing runs. Screw him. Get him out of here and put someone, anyone with fresh legs in right field.
- When it comes to second base and shortstop, I am clueless. Everybody in the organization sucks at those two positions. Like the balls dropping in front of Guillen, I don't know how many slow rollers up the middle I have seen this year. If people are in the lineup because if their bat, good luck with all that.
- Have a catcher fire sale. Get rid of both of them. They fucking suck in all categories. Neither of them can call a game worth of shit. Bring up the switching hitting Pena. If he sucks, well, he's a rookie and it's what is expected. Olivo and Buck have no more excuses for sucking so bad.
Make those changes (as well as trading Teahan to the Cardinals for Khalil Greene as soon as Alex Gordon is healthy) and I will be a happy fan. Or as happy as a Royals fan could be.
Until then, fuck you all for sucking so bad. The stadium looks great.
4 comments:
i love the royals, but damn they piss me off constantly! great letter! once againg im rooting for a sub 100 loss season!
i'll always support your love hate relationship with the royals.... summer is a rough season....
As an alternative...there are other blue collar, meat and potatoes baseball teams out there worth rooting for in these dry times. Consider the Milwaukee Brewers. That's the team with the mascot who slides down into a mug of frothy lager when each ball is cranked out by the home team. Seems to me this team should have universal appeal!
Switch to the Brewers for now, and you can become a royal cheesehead.
We're so hard up in this town that after winning 3 games in a row—that's three—they were talking on the radio how they could be back in the pennant race in a weak division. They lived up to this by getting the shit kicked out of them again tonight with Greinke on the mound. It's about the time of year when I start deluding myself into believing the Chief's will be worth something this year. Oh, wait.
College basketball can't get here soon enough.
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