Saturday, December 8, 2007

My "Turning 75" to-do list

  • Trade in driver's license for handbook of spells
  • Purchase Scott Summer's brand sunglasses with coupon
  • Recruit evil army of mall walkers 
  • Learn to teleport to Bob Evans 
  • Bicker at squirrels
  • Drive a golf cart into a lake and blame it on computers
  • Literally write checks my butt can't cash
  • Fill walking cane with whiskey
  • Learn to tap dance
  • Whip her 
  • Snap her
  • Re-open Tippins Restaurants 
  • Collect deadly coins
  • Move La-Z-Boy to front porch
  • Take over the world by 4pm
  • Sleep like a ninja

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