Notes from an Experiment.

Hypothesis - If you were to give the mentally retarded LSD then they would become normal for roughly eight hours.

Dependent variable - Sanity.
Independent variable - LSD.

8:47 AM - Arrange trap inside garage:  A card table with chair, a box of Hostess CupCakes, the board game Candy Land, and a cd player repeating playing Y.M.C.A.

9:15 AM - Open garage door.

9:16 AM - Subject "Carl" enters garage.

9:46 AM - Subject "Carl" sits down.

9:48 AM - LSD is placed on card table and Subject "Carl" is instructed not to eat it.

9:49 AM - Subject "Carl" eats LSD.

10:15 AM - Subject "Carl" stares at hands.

10:17 AM - Subject "Carl" is asked how he is feeling.  His response is "Butterscotch."  Too early in experiment to determine if LSD has taken affect. 

10:32 AM - Subject "Carl" laughs at his own feet.  Could be nothing.

10:37 AM - Glass of orange juice is placed on card table.  Subject "Carl" looks at glass, salivates, then laughs at feet again.

10:45 AM - Subject "Carl" stretches in chair and begins to rub his neck.  

10:47 AM - After rubbing of the neck, Subject "Carl" stares at hand slightly different than before.

10:49 AM - Subject "Carl" is asked how he is feeling.  His response is "My hands are feeling a little strange."  Then with look of amazement says, "I just spoke in a complete sentence."

10:59 AM - Subject "Carl" drinks the orange juice and then laughs at Candy Land.

11:20 AM - Subject "Carl" makes nonsensical noises with mouth, then looks around, possibly looking for whoever is responsible for those noises.

11:26 AM - Subject "Carl" asks "How did this applesauce get on my shirt?"

10:28 AM - Subject "Carl" asks "Who has been gnawing on my sleeves?"

11:30 AM - Subject "Carl" asks "Why am i wearing a helmet?"   

11:42 AM - Subject "Carl" grabs card table tightly as if it were about to fly away.  Stares straight ahead and begins to make more nonsensical noises. 

11:54 AM - Subject "Carl" asks politely "Could you please turn off this music?  It's driving me crazy."  Sure sign that sanity level has changed.

12:22 PM - Subject "Carl" stands up.  Looks back down at feet.  Sits back down and bends over to ties shoelaces.

12:23 PM - Subject "Carl" stands back up and moves around garage rather swiftly.

12:26 PM - Subject "Carl" appears to be studying items in garage.

1:25 PM - Subject "Carl" fixes broken lamp in corner.  Unclear as to how and with what.

1:28 PM - Subject "Carl" asks if I would like to buy a lamp.

1:46 PM - Subject "Carl" asks "How long do you plan on keeping me in here?"  Starts to get fidgety, more so than before experiment.

2:14 PM - Subject "Carl" points to something behind my shoulder.  I look.

Seconds later PM - Subject "Carl" physically breaks down garage door and disappears.

3:32 PM - Radio news bulletin reports that a small school bus was hijacked in the area and taken to local community college.

3:49 PM - Arrive at local community college.

3:55 PM - Onlooker states that a man with applesauce on his shirt ran by him heading towards the science building.  Onlooker also states that the man was carrying a gun.  No idea where the gun came from.

4:02 PM - Enter doors of science building.  People scream somewhere in the building.

4:15 PM - Finds Subject "Carl" in classroom, holding students and teacher at gunpoint.

4:16 PM - Subject "Carl" demands "Give me some chalk and nobody gets hurt!"

4:20 PM - Subject "Carl" finds chalkboard and starts writing out and solving simple math problems.

4:22 PM - The Police arrive.  They do nothing but watch.

4:55 PM - Subject "Carl" erases chalkboard and writes what appears to be the Pythagorean theorem.  Then yells "Of course!"

5:31 PM - Subject "Carl" erases chalkboard and writes out Einstein's theory of relativity and Newton's law of gravity.

5:34 PM - Student in classroom whispers to another student "Are they filming Good Will Hunting II here?"

5:58 PM - Subject "Carl" erases chalkboard, turns around and exclaims "I present to you, the cure for cancer!"  Then turns back around and starts formulating.

6:37 PM - Subject "Carl" looks to almost be finishing up.  To this point he has filled three chalkboards up with figures and numbers.  His face is red and sweaty. 

6:47 PM - Subject "Carl" stares at chalkboard.

6:49 PM - Subject "Carl" eats chalk then laughs at his feet.